just go...

i've gotta get out of here
'cause i'm afraid that this complacency is something i can't shake
i've gotta get out of here
and i'm begging You, i'm begging You
i'm begging You to be my escape

so... i'm thinking it's time for a bit of a spiritual update. you folks care enough about me to visit my blog, so i figure you deserve to be a bit more in the know than i've made possible in the past. God has been doing a lot in me, very quietly, of late - how much has only just come to light. first there was the word that dave chung had for me about being moved out of the dark place into the sunny day. well...maybe not first - there were a lot of things leading up to that. there was a very dark place (obviously) and a lot of frustration that came out of that. and a building up of desire for change. and a lover whispering truth in the dark. and then, during this whole global impact celebration (which didn't greatly interest me going into it, to be quite honest) - i think it was really during 4d worship (which i was at "by accident") - i realized that it didn't matter that i felt like i didn't have anything to give, and it didn't matter that i felt like i wasn't in the right place to do something for God. if God wants you to do something, then that's what you need to do, regardless of how you feel. after all, it is not we who do the work, but He who does it through those who are willing to obey His call. so anyway, all this to say that i realized that He wanted me to go somewhere this year. on a missions trip. to trust Him about money and taking time off of work and being able to contribute anything of value. so i filled out a card at the sunday night meeting. and tonight, i printed out a passport application. and now i'm just having to trust that i've really heard God on this. i keep having to pull myself from a - fear's not quite the right word here, but i'm not sure what is - a fear that i'll go through the process of getting a passport ($97) and applying to go on a trip and getting excited about the prospect of finally leaving north america for the first time in my life, and then be denied the privelege of doing so... so if you're inclined to prayer, i'd ask that you pray that this all works out the way God wants it to, and that if it doesn't go down the way i'm hoping it will, i won't be so disappointed that i miss out on whatever He has planned for me. i feel like i'm beginning to awaken from a stupor. i feel like i'm breathing clearer air now. and sunday night, for the first time in a long time, i felt the flame rise in my heart. it still flickers, but i pray that it will only grow stronger and brighter.

don't love the world's ways.
don't love the world's goods.
love of the world squeezes out love for the Father.
practically everything that goes on in the world -
wanting your own way,
wanting everything for yourself,
wanting to appear important -
has nothing to do with the Father.
it just isolates you from Him.

I john 2:15-16 (the message)