today

i am back. though i'm the only one who knows it, as yet. and only a very few had any idea i'd be coming.

i am hiding. from a houseful of small children. from the world in general, it would seem.

i am choosing to ignore the state of my hair. for now. it's pretty gross.

i am waiting. but not primarily. for your call, my dear. for any word on a job. yeah, i'd like one of those. can't go much longer without.

i am hungry. but of course, the hiding makes me reluctant to do anything about this. thankfully, i've got a bit of chocolate in here...

***

alright, so i ventured out to make some toast & tea.

i had intended to go over to the southpoint area today to apply at more places. clearly, that didn't happen. i ended up reading pretty much all of my old blog posts. sifting back through the old emotions - that old tangle that i'm still not quite free from.

a lot has happened since july of '07. a year and a half. cosmetology school. oh, the craziness. and making my relationship with ben official (after yes, a good long pretense that we weren't really together - oh, we tried, but that was an EPIC FAIL for the books). and finishing, actually finishing cos school. and so quickly finding myself at a salon. and the journey to saying "i love you." and so gradually finding myself rather dreading going into work at that same fabulous little salon. and some rather painful is-this-really-what-i-want-to-do-for-a-living? searching of the soul. i still don't rightly know. and our one-year anniversary of official-relationshipness. (there were other things besides, of course - weddings, babies, parties, good times, and tears a-plenty - but for the sake of time and my poor fuzzy memory, i've seen fit to stick with what i'd call the "bare bones," except that i can't quite think of them as bare...)

and the start of the year found me once more without a job. and the time up till now has been the longest i've yet spent looking for one. of course, given the current state of the economy, it wasn't exactly the "smartest" time for me to quit my job. but sometimes you just know what you have to do. and you take a tiny leap of faith.

first there was the logic of putting my admin experience together with my salon experience. it made sense. i put together my resume & cover letter, left them at a decent number of more-or-less worthy-seeming salons. i interviewed (twice) at one of them - nice place, nice people - but was turned down in favor of someone else. i heard from another, who said they didn't have anything available, but they'd keep my resume on file. i somewhat unexpectedly ran into friends from cos school, and talked to their boss, who said to give them a call in a couple weeks and they might have something available part-time (speaking of which, it's been about that long)... i scheduled to meet yesterday with another guy at a place that seemed really cool to me, but he didn't show. in the meantime, i've been filling out and turning in starbucks applications (and barnes & noble, and borders, and caribou) with grim determination. well, not always grim. i need to start calling to check on some of them, as well. and i just realized that this has turned into a mega-post. but whatever. it's my blog. that's what it's for. thinking out loud for all the world to hear. well, read. if they want to.

speaking of my blog... i've been thinking a little bit of a redesign is in order. more than just the little html-tweaks i've pulled so far. at least, a new title, maybe. it's just i feel a good deal less dark & distant than when i started this thing. most of the time. dunno. it bears thinking about. but not over-much. anyway. if you read this, and you're a real person, i welcome your comments on any subject as is appropriate. you'll find that if i deem it inappropriate, your comment will disappear. but otherwise, bring it on. i won't expect any, but i do feel the need to throw that out there every once in awhile.

and now, i'm done rambling.

for the moment.