rest

i'd been feeling like i hadn't heard from God in awhile.

that still, small voice, that - whatever words it says - by its very nature speaks peace to my soul.

all this talk of growing and such in church and small group with our "40 Days of Destiny" series going on, and i was starting to feel distressed about not hearing...because i know that growth is directly related to relationship - and you can't exactly call a one-sided conversation a relationship...

and yeah. i've been trying to work on my relationship with God, lately. especially since this wonderfully convenient series started.

but, as aqualung pointed out this morning (on the ipod over the sound system at work), "waiting is all you can do, sometimes." so i waited. and asked. and waited.

granted, i'm not sure i really knew what to ask.

but last night at small group, we were talking about coming up with an area of our lives that we need to "work on," and only a few people felt like they had something to share right then, and it was suggested that maybe this was something we could ask God about and give some thought to over the week.

now, i almost felt like i had something - but it wasn't very specific - and as i sat there thinking about it, i thought of more things, and i was feeling like three was too many to share...and then time was up for that and we were on to prayer requests...

so on my way home (after dropping ben off at his car), i was asking what it was i needed to focus on. and i heard that voice. the one i'd been waiting to hear. and He said, "Rest in Me."

i love it when God says stuff to me. what He says to me is always so simple. but so spot on. and so necessary.

and so not what i would have thought of for myself. "rest" had pretty much nothing to do with any of the other things i was thinking about at small group.

anyway. in this instance, i felt like "rest" applied physically as well as mentally and spiritually, particularly as i'd lost some sleep the past couple nights. like i was supposed to pretty much just go home and go to bed. no sitting up reading, which i can easily get caught up in until past my bedtime. but i've been doing the devotional that goes along with our sermon & small group series, and have felt like it's been important for me to be consistent and stay on track with that. (and i've been doing mine at night, because that has been working for me. so much better than mornings do.) so i asked if i could at least read through that first. and i felt like yes, i could read it, but not think too hard about it or try to analyze things or whatnot. because i'm really good at starting to think about how i fail in this area or that and just get down on myself about things. that was not an option. because that's not resting. and so i was like, "okay, cool. is there anything else?" and God said, "That's enough (for right now)." which is good. and makes sense, because piling on things "to do" - or even just to think about doing - is also not resting.

and this verse fragment kept surfacing in my mind:

"My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

and my response:

"i am Yours. i will rest in You."

and as i was getting close to home, i was thinking along the lines of, "why in the world didn't this happen sooner? why did i hear tonight, and not before?" and the answer was something like, "it's easier to hear from a place of weakness (e.g. exhaustion & distress) because that makes it easier to trust Me instead of worrying about whether you're hearing right."

and it was all very cool.

and yes, i did get permission to jot down notes as well. since i wasn't sure i'd remember all this cool stuff when i woke up. though i did a little more than jotting, because that's just how it happened. and after that and reading the devotional, i didn't exactly get to bed early. but at least it was on time.

and i didn't sleep all that great - woke up about five times during the night - but it didn't matter. because i was resting.